How to Make Sanada Slap You
by Hopeless27
Summary: “… ‘You have a very… irate… home…’ She said governessly” The three horrors of Rikkaidai push their fukubuchou to the limits. UTTER CRACK


**Rated:**** K+**

**Summary**: **the three horrors of Rikkaidai push Sanada to the limits**

**Pairings: **

**Category: ****humour**

**Characters:**** Rikkai**

**Disclaimer:**** If I owned PoT… I would… oh whatever … I just don't.**

**Sequelish to ****How to Make Tezuka Give you Laps  
**

**Ignore the damned mistakes, it's 12... **

* * *

**Day 1**

Another week had begun in Rikkai, this week SHOULDN'T be any different from the last, shouldn't being the key word here. Of course, being Rikkai and all, it WAS different. Different in the sense of … disaster waiting to happen…

"Kirihara Akaya and Marui Bunta, what are you doing?" Yanagi asked glancing up at the two boys as he spoke to Sanada, normally, he wasn't one to get himself involved in other people's business but he just HAD to ask.

"We're flipping through word-a-day calendars," Marui replied, hardly glancing up. "May 21, irate…"

"May 22, governess…" Kirihara flipped the page.

"Used in a sentence…" Marui frowned.

"… 'You have a very… irate… home…' She said governessly?" Kirihara guessed which earned him a glare from Sanada.

"Akaya, irate cannot be used to describe homes and governessly isn't a word." Yanagi explained to the little devil.

"May 23, satire, May 24, lambent…" Marui grinned, "Fukubuchou is a satire who is … lambent?"

Sanada stood rigid for a second… but only for a second. After he regained his composure, he went over and smacked Marui fully on the head.

"OW!"

"Do not use me as a wrong example!" Sanada growled and then slapped Kirihara.

"What was that for?" Kirihara demanded, rubbing his head.

"For not paying attention in language class."

**Day 2**

A flustered Sanada (though you could hardly tell) stormed towards the tennis courts.

"Sanada, what's wrong?" Yanagi asked but was completely ignored.

"NIOU MASAHARU!"

"Where's your cap, Sanada fukubuchou?" Niou asked, nonchalantly as he made his way over to Sanada.

"You should know." Sanada glared at Niou.

"I think a leprechaun ate it…" Niou shrugged and glanced at the other courts, "there he is…"

Sanada, Yagyuu and Yanagi had the misjudgement to actually look, what they saw was (obviously) Kirihara dressed in a leprechaun suit with a matching beard (borrowed from Kikumaru of course).

"That's Kirihara, Niou." Yanagi stated as Sanda slapped Niou fully across the face.

"Well, the tooth fairy made me do it…" Niou muttered, rubbing his face.

"Where IS my CAP?" Sanada demanded after dragging Kirihara to their side of the court.

"Ask Bun-kun," Niou replied, stifling a laugh.

"MARUI!" Sanada called Marui over from the far court.

"Yo," Marui walked over slowly, blowing a bubble from his gum.

"What happened to my cap?"

"I don't know, k-o-n-w, no." Marui shrugged.

"…Why are you talking like that?" Yagyuu asked, wincing at the bad spelling.

"I feel like it, f-u-o-l, feel." Marui explained.

"Bun-kun, please refrain from spelling the words incorrectly…" Yanagi sweatdropped.

"They're incorrect? I-m-k-o-r-o-k-t, incorrect."

SMACK!

"Ow! What was that for?" Marui asked and added, "W-e-a-h-t, what."

"For your horrible spelling."

**Day 3**

"Practise today is cancelled, we're visiting Yukimura at the hospital." Sanada declared.

"Masaharu-kun?" Yagyuu gave Niou a look as they were walking from the station to the hospital. "Why are you carrying that bundle?"

"Oh, it's something for Yukimura-buchou." Niou told him mysteriously.

"I see…" Yagyuu really did not want to press any further.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Niou disappeared and no matter how hard Yagyuu or anyone else searched, Niou just couldn't be found. The others gave up soon anyways, this was Niou, when was he NOT lost?

However, Sanada seemed to be acting strangely around his buchou today… and what was more strange was his sudden declaration.

"Yukimura, Though your feelings towards me are **immovable like a mountain**, I shall take you in my arms and **invade you like fire**. Kiss you **swift like the wind**, causing you to **tremble like thunder**, and we shall gaze into each other's eyes in silence, **quiet like the forest**." (Taken from a forum…)

"Okay…" Only Yagyuu noticed the slight trace of a ponytail sticking out from the back of Sanada's head.

Yukimura sweatdropped, "How… flattering…" He managed to cough out,

"NIOU MASAHARU!" Sanada burst into the room and struck Niou, knocking the wig off his head.

"OW, this is a hospital!" Niou glared at Sanada, rubbing his head.

Poor Yukimura…

Meanwhile, off in a little corner of Yukimura's room… Kirihara and Marui were having fun with macaroni, Styrofoam balls, pipe cleaners and construction paper.

"What are you guys doing?" Jackal asked.

"Krafts Korner!" Kirihara replied, pulling out his crayons.

"Not even going to ask…" Jackal sweatdropped.

"We're making a likeness of Sanada-fukubuchou!" Marui grinned.

"…………" A couple of minutes passed.

"Ta-DA!" Marui presented an ugly shapeless mount of macaroni, Styrofoam balls, pipe cleaners and construction paper to the group while Kirihara quickly scribbled a large F on a sheet of paper with a red crayon and taped it to the "likeness".

"Hey Akaya, you're not supposed to fail yourself!" Marui glared at Kirihara.

"But it looks nothing like Sanada-fukubuchou," Kirihara said.

"Forget Sanada, it doesn't look HUMAN!" Niou managed to make out through bouts of laughter.

SMACK! SMACK! Marui and Kirihara never had another Krafts Korner ever again (at least not in front of Sanada).

**Day 4**

Marui sat behind Sanada deliberately in History class that afternoon, only to stick a huge wad of gum on the back of Sanada's neck. Sanada turned around to glare at Marui, ouch, bad move.

"SANADA-KUN," Marui shouted, "STOP CHEATING ON MY TEST!"

"…" Sanada's glare that moment was murderous, but Marui's grin never wavered.

That was only the beginning.

All during practise, Niou was off trying to promote Hinduism among fellow team-mates while Kirihara, no doubt, was late.

"NIOU, YOU'RE IN TENNIS PRACTISE NOT A REGLIOUS SERMON!" Sanada shouted at Niou.

"I'm trying to preach!" Niou called back, interrupted in his speech of, "Hinduism is a very spiritual religion…"

"Where is Akaya?" Yanagi asked no one in particular.

"I'm HERE!!!!!!!" Kirihara ran into the courts, lost control, tripped over a net and fell face flat on the ground.

"…"

"Is there an explanation to why you're late?" Sanada asked, his voice controlled.

"Well yeah, you see, my parents slept together and then my DNA made me so I became unique, did you know guanine and cytosine are always paired together, it's like green and yellow in my crayon box… anyways, I became unique and I was born on Sept 25th in a hospital. My parents took me home and named me Akaya for some reason, I don't know I haven't asked them yet… anyways, they made me drink milk and water… but then I developed teeth… so now then I started eating food" Fast forward fifteen minutes…

"So then I went to school but everyone said I was a bully for some reason, I didn't do anything to them…" Okay, fast forward another fifteen minutes…

"But then my mom wouldn't let me get that video game because it was rated R and I was only ten…" Fasting forward… another fifteen minutes.

"At lunch today I had a bento and it was yummy… my mom made my favourite type of sushi… and now I'm here, so that's why I'm late."

There was a moment of silence as the regulars processed the story of Kirihara's life… after that moment, Niou went back to promoting Hinduism and Kirihara drifted off to practise.

"Well that was about forty-five minutes of my life I'm never getting back." Marui rolled his eyes.

"That was really unnecessary Kirihara, and by the way, you never mentioned why you were late." Yagyuu said.

"You want me to tell it again?" Kirihara asked, drawing a large breath.

"NO!" Sanada barked.

"Why hasn't he smacked us yet?" Niou asked, going over to Yagyuu.

"His hands are sore from the last three days…" Yanagi said, shaking his head.

* * *

_**A/N:**__ I wrote this suffering from major writers block… so it kinda sucks. Oh well………… mah…This isn't edited becuase I'm tired, its 12:32 and I'm going to bed, g'nite._

_Oh and I'm sorry if I offended people with the Hinduism thing…t'was not my intention  
_


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